Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Worst Advice I Ever Got Was...


“Let’s just wait out the war here in Amsterdam. A couple of Jews can be safe in Amsterdam. I mean, Hitler is many things, but he’s not crazy.”

“Know your enemy better than he knows himself.” I spent like 3 hours talking to that jerk.

“You see how the computer takes up this entire room, which is the size of a football field? Computers are never going to be smaller than this room, so I wouldn’t invest in them. Also, could you hold this bomb for a second while it explodes?”

“Drown your three children in a bathtub to appease me, one of several voices inside your brain.”

“Drown your three children in a bathtub to appease me, a financier who has a significant monetary wager on whether or not I can convince you to kill your children.”

“Be yourself.” I’ve seen videos of myself and I’m a fucking maniac.

“Feed a cold, starve a baby.”

“Don’t do drugs.” I HAVE THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES AIDS! I should have been doing many, many drugs. Whole “drug-cocktails,” if you will.

“Listen to your heart.” I can’t even describe the awful stuff that thing tells me to do. Tells me I have to do.

The Ten Commandments.

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